The Ballad of the Country Girl

Last month, I thoroughly cleaned our apartment.  I rid our apartment of clothes, shoes, books, old paperwork, unused kitchen utensils, ripped wallets… I think you get the picture.  I ended my purging spree with two stuffed trash bags.  Not bad.

I left the bags behind the bed for two weeks to see if I changed my mind about anything.  And, I didn’t.  Ben only snatched one thing out of the bags – an old pair of camouflage shorts from college.  I wonder where he plans to wear them since foliage is pretty scarce in these parts.

I then hefted the bags to the Salvation Army store about a half a block from our house.  When I got home, I saw that one particular item had fallen out of the bags and didn’t make it to the Salvation Army… a risqué Country Girl Halloween costume.

I’m sure you’re thinking… where would I get a risqué country girl costume?  My mother.  And, my mother got it from, oh yes, my father, who, naturally, ordered it off the Internet for her.  Of course, the moment my dad gave it to my mom she hid it under the bed until she could pawn it on me during my next visit. 

I brought the Country Girl costume to New York where Ben enthusiastically received it.  Typical.  Except, when I tried it on (embarrassingly so), it didn’t fit.  So, I tossed it into the give-away bag. 

Magically, though, it slipped out.  The Country Girl costume just wouldn’t go away.  Did the same culprit who saved the camouflage shorts also save the Country Girl costume?  Hm.

Still, the Country Girl costume had to go because it took up unnecessary space in the closet.  I placed it in a plastic grocery bag and decided to drop it off at the Salvation Army on our way to church on Sunday.  I figured we could quickly sneak it someone else’s box and no one would ever know. 

Except, the Salvation Army was closed on Sunday.

But, an adorable old man was accepting people’s donations and reselling them outside the locked front door of the store.  Ben and I stood close by and quietly debated what to do.  I didn’t want to take the Country Girl to church (the picture on the front of the package made it pretty clear what it was), but at the same time, I didn’t want to give it to a sweet, elderly man trying to make a little extra money.   As we conversed, the old man shuffled over to us and gently asked, “Do you have a donation for me?”  To which, Ben and I replied in surprised awkward unison, “Yes!” 

I passed the bag to Ben (to lessen my part in it), and he handed it to the man.  He took the bag and walked away.  I started to say, “It’s for young people on Halloween…” But, then stopped.  Better to leave before he realized exactly what was in the bag.

After church, Ben and I walked past the old man busily selling stuff to an older lady.  Maybe, she bought the Country Girl costume.  Who knows?  Hopefully, someone, somewhere in New York City appreciates the rural-provocative-Country-Girl thing.  And, for his or her sake, I hope it works.